What makes a great relationship? There is no one-way street for finding and growing your relationships to be the best. Relationships go through obstacles and constant discovery based on your and your friend’s or significant other’s personalities.

There are so many answers to this question, and it comes down to the different experiences that each relationship has been through. Despite the status of friends to maybe something more, BetterConnects still believes that relationships rely on the same pillars.

If we had to define what makes a perfect relationship, it would have to be a bond that contains these foundational traits: trust, patience, curiosity, communication, and respect.

Trust

Think about your closest circle of friends … what makes them close to you? All the experiences and memories you have together really come down to trust.

Trust is essential when looking for someone to add to your close circle of people. To let someone into your life as a friend or more means that you can trust them with your secrets and deepest thoughts. You both are investing in quality time to nurture your relationship.

If you start questioning how trustworthy a person can be, you should reevaluate that relationship. A 2023 study by Davis and Tabri reported that secret keeping from romantic partners impacted relationship satisfaction, emotional intimacy, and trust. Secrets can make people more distant and unable to communicate.

Your time will become more precious since your priorities and availability change. This change in lifestyle means that trust becomes vital to a healthy relationship. A 2023 study by Dessyrianti and Setiawan found that trust was a pillar for relationships as both partners were busy managing other aspects of their lives. Regardless of jobs, hobbies, and personal matters, ensuring your partner or friends trust you should be your priority.

Patience

You always hear the phrase “love is patient, love is kind” during wedding ceremonies as a piece of advice for newlyweds. This saying from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 in the Bible still holds true today.

To define patience, patience is the ability to wait; it is the ability to not expect instant gratification because you know something better will happen. If you think about your relationships, it took a while to develop that deep bond. A city can't be built in a day, and so can’t your relationships. Friendships blossom over time the more you get to know each other.

Patience is the driver of the most successful relationships. Roberts, Shaddy, and Fishbach verified this in their 2020 study, reporting that people become more patient over a person or thing because they are anticipating and willing to wait for a more quality version. In other words, when you like something, you want more of it.

Did you know that patience is also a great trait, even outside of a relationship standpoint? Bulbul’s 2020 study showed a positive correlation between being patient and overall satisfaction with life. College students who exhibited patience were more satisfied with their lives. In a period where people are interested in chasing opportunities and making as many friends as possible, you should learn to take life one day at a time. Stay in the present and focus on the people and priorities in front of you. Our time is too short to be worried about the future.

‍Curiosity

Part of being in a friendship or a relationship is learning new information about each other. It keeps you on your toes and interested in the people you spend time with.

When socializing, never hesitate to ask questions to learn more about others. In 2011, Kashdan et al. noticed a positive association between openness (otherwise known as curiosity) and the quality of social interactions. Curious people had better quality interactions and even felt closer to partners without any assistance. If you struggle to make friends, go into conversations with an open mind and heart. Don’t close yourself off from different perspectives. Try going in with a why mindset to learn new tidbits for your sprouting relationships.

Speaking of opening up, curiosity is essential for your personal growth. This conclusion was made in a 2002 study, which showed that curiosity correlated to becoming a better collaborator, friend, and life partner. This trait is necessary for problem-solving situations with your partner or close friend. Instead of being offended by criticism or blocking out opposing views from the people around you, consider reflecting on the feedback and asking how to improve yourself to be the friend they deserve.

If you want that stress-free lifestyle, you should try working on your curiosity levels. Curiosity makes you less prone to run into arguments. Kashdan et al.’s 2012 study noticed that daily curiosity was a good predictor of less conflicts in close relationships. We’re not saying you should be a devil’s advocate and question people’s thoughts and feelings. Instead, think of the different thoughts of others as new possibilities to come to a better solution or become more knowledgeable. You would be crazy if you didn’t know communication was invaluable for a successful relationship. If you are uncomfortable talking with others, especially for interpersonal conflicts, please fix that issue to welcome people into your life.

‍Communication

Open communication helps with learning more about your loved ones and for preventing/solving any conflicts. In a 2020 study conducted by Bannon et al., open communication helped tremendously with the success rate of relationships. The speed of communicating with your significant other does play a part in relationship success because it helps solve conflicts before they accumulate and lead to a heated argument. If you keep the issue to yourself, your pent-up anger can cause disaster for you and the people around you. Be proactive and communicate sooner than later.

The more your relationships evolve over time, the more you should properly maintain them to lessen conflicts. In 2016, a study by Randall and Bodenmann pointed out that external and internal factors cause relationship conflicts. To mitigate the effects of these factors on your well-being, you must figure out how to solve the issue before it grows to deteriorate your relationship. Give yourself time to reflect on your relationships for any problems you want to resolve with your loved ones.

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Respect

Lastly, a lasting relationship comes from mutual respect from both parties. Respect goes both ways, and helps develop trust and curiosity.

When gauging relationship satisfaction, start with measuring respect. A 2002 study by Frei and Shaver pointed out a correlation between respect and relationship satisfaction. In fact, measuring respect was much better than the other scales utilized, including love and positive-negative scales. Respect can be a tell-tale sign of what you can accept in a partner or loved one.

You do not have to like every single aspect of your partner. Your respect for them can show how willing you are to look past these differences and appreciate them for who they truly are. If you want to see another recent study that supports this finding, consider checking out this 2016 study by Hendrick and Hendrick.

‍Finding What Works for Your Relationships

Although these are common traits that people report for the “perfect” relationship, please know that every relationship is unique. The work that you and your partner or friend put in should be tailored to what works best for you.

If unsure of where to start with improving the quality of your relationships, start by reflecting on yourself and your needs. What do you need from your relationships to feel happy? What are your weak spots when being a friend or partner? After reflecting on your performance, you can talk with your friend or SO to find the perfect balance.

Remember this: Great relationships form when you and your partner can be your truest selves.

Are there any traits we missed that you think should be part of this list? Feel free to share your thoughts below to help others with their relationships.