So, You Want to Be “More Social”
Everyone has their own way of interacting with people. Some love to be the center of attention, and others might just be wallflowers. There’s no one way to socialize. Having different personalities in a social situation makes the moment entertaining and the conversation overflowing. However, there can always be a possibility of a person wanting to “put themselves out there.”
People want to be more social or more outgoing for various reasons. Maybe they dream of being the center of attention. Maybe they want to be a better conversationalist. Maybe they feel that they aren’t socializing enough. You probably fall into one of these categories and consider yourself introverted.
Whichever category you fall into, congrats to you for making the first step: realizing you have to grow. You’re planting the seed that can lead to the blossoming of a better version of you! Before you figure out your next move, it’s time to really evaluate if you’re shy or introverted.
Being Shy Is Not the Same as Being Introverted
Before we dive into some tips to get you prepped for social situations, really evaluate if you are shy or introverted. Being shy does not mean that you are introverted.
People that are shy have difficulty talking or making moves in social situations because they want to make a good impression. They can overthink their actions out of fear of embarrassing themselves.
Introverts are not shy; they can manage social situations and keep up a conversation as long as they have the proper time to recharge. They are usually planning social events with gaps in between to not overwhelm themselves.
If you’re working on being more comfortable in social situations, here are a few tips to get you started:
Practice Makes Perfect
In order to be good at a skill, you have to fail until you don’t make any mistakes. You may think you have to “fail until you get it right.” However, there is no right way to socialize. You can showcase your charisma and bubbly personality on your own terms.
If you’re worried about people not liking you, it is time to switch your thinking and have a better outlook on your own abilities. There may be some awkward attempts to start conversation in the first couple tries. You will eventually become a master at being comfortable at talking people in social situations and with different personality types.
Being introverted or extroverted is already integral to who you are as a person. In fact, according to a 2017 study by Sanchez-Roige et al., it is genetically determined along with other outcomes in your life! This means that you can start your growth by being extroverted in certain situations first (maybe at your next hangout or at work). Give yourself the time to decompress and become mentally prepared for your next extroverted attempt, and slowly get used to it.
If you think that you have not given yourself a fair chance to be extroverted, don’t overthink it. In fact, everyone needs time to recharge … even extroverts! A 2016 study by Leikas and Ilmarinen from the University of Helsinki studied the interactions of college students and noticed a mental depletion for both introverts and extroverts after three hours. We all have a certain threshold for hangouts and can’t be “on” 24/7. Just take things slow and steady.
Make the First Move
Maybe your urge to become more social comes from not attending a lot of social events. If that is the case, how come you never thought of creating an event in the first place?
According to Jenn Granneman from Introvert, Dear, extroverts have a more active dopamine system than introverts. This means that they are more excited to embark in social situations because of the possibility of a reward, or releasing the happy hormone called dopamine. They have the confidence to strike up conversations, initiate hangouts, or make a random call to a friend because they look forward to the interaction itself. Introverts have a more muted dopamine system and are more hesitant when initiating hangouts or conversations.
There are plenty of reasons why relationships can fizzle out over time. People deal with their own issues and may be putting their social life on the back burner. In other cases, people wait for others to initiate to avoid rejection. They are scared of the idea of being rejected, so they would rather stay in their current state and hang out with people they talk with more frequently. Leary elaborated on the aftermath of rejection in a 2015 study, saying that the fear of rejection comes from the asker’s perception that others do not value their relationship equally by turning them down. This can just be a miscommunication issue that can be sorted out.
If you want to step outside of your bubble and think like an extrovert, you can initiate time to hang out or chit chat with a friend. A 2021 study conducted by Naidu et al. noticed that extroverts don’t let circumstances stop their desire for social interaction, even utilizing unconventional forms of socializing such as Zoom, creating one-sided relationships with celebrities, or associating items with loved ones. These methods of social presence actually made extroverts stay happier than their introverted counterparts in the midst of a long period of self-isolation due to Covid-19.
Relationships can come and go at different phases of your life. If you truly think that your relationship is worth working on and the person in mind is someone you miss dearly, send them a quick message or phone call to catch up with them. Simply knowing that someone thought about you to reach out could make your day. Why not add a positive highlight to theirs by making the first move? If someone turns you down, don’t let it stop you from finding someone who will say “yes.”
Have an Open Mind to New Experiences
Part of a successful relationship is to stay curious. If you want to read more about why curiosity is important for your relationships, be sure to check out this article from our BetterConnects team.
As your relationships evolve, so does the interests and comfort zones of the people in your life. Even your personality and interests change over time. Like seriously, I don’t think you would want to have the same interests that you did when you were in high school (*shivers*).
Open yourself to new perspectives, new bonding experiences, and new places. If you are trying to get out of your bubble and keep your relationships interesting, you can search for a new restaurant to try out or maybe send an interesting article and ask for someone’s opinion.
Believe in Yourself
Only you are the one that has the power to change for the better. No matter how many articles you read about being outgoing, or how many how-to videos you watch to become a better friend, you have to believe that you are worthy of quality relationships and to be surrounded by people that love you.
Self-confidence and manifestation can play a role in your development towards being more extroverted. A 1999 study conducted by Scharlott and Christ saw that women who reported their appearance as above average had a higher contact rate from men compared to women who considered themselves as average looking. This finding did not correlate with their ability to start a romantic or intimate relationship. We are unsure if the subjects' dating profiles contained pictures, but how you perceive yourself and your abilities can affect your success.
Call this manifestation or motivation, but you have to act the part until you are the part. Rihanna even said that she acts confident until she becomes confident. Why can’t you?
A good starting point to become more confident starts with writing positive affirmations to put on your mirror. Having these post-its be your first focal point of the day can serve as little reminders of your potential.
Be an Active Listener
If you want to know the key to keeping a conversation and strengthening your relationships, being a good listener is just as important as being a good conversationalist. People love when others want to know them for who they really are, not just the basic answers to “How are you?”
When listening to people, never be afraid to ask questions. There’s no such thing as a stupid question because you’ll always be able to learn something new.
Dale Carnegie said it best in his book How to Influence Others, which is a classic professional development book that many use today outside of the workplace. People love when others take an interest in them because it makes them feel special. They don’t care about what you say or do. What matters most is how you make them feel in that moment.
Active listening is an essential part of nurturing your relationships. It is necessary during times of stress or conflict so that people feel seen and understood. The importance of active listening was pointed out in Bodenmann et al.'s 2018 study titled “The Power of Listening: Lending an Ear to the Partner During Dyadic Coping Conversations,” where it was reported that active listening was associated with better dyadic coping behaviors (aka better conflict-resolution and mediating behaviors) and higher relationship satisfaction. Not only does it work in smaller settings, but active or empathetic listening increases engagement in team settings, as mentioned in a 2020 study by Jonsdottir and Kristinsson. Being heard and seen by others is all we want, especially when it comes to the people we cherish most.
Be True to Yourself. You Don’t Have to Be Extroverted.
What’s worse than making mistakes in any social setting is not being your authentic self. If you want people who care for you and love you, just be yourself. The benefits that come with socializing will come afterward with time.
Don’t think that you have to be the most extroverted person in every friend group you cultivate. Each person can bring something valuable to the table, whether it be the one planning events, the one keeping the party alive, or the one who is always willing to lend an ear to situations. You can figure out your own strength in your friend groups if you pay attention to social situations.
Did you learn anything new from these tips? If you already went through your evolution to extrovertedness, what helped you become more talkative or outgoing? Let’s start a conversation in the comments below and help other introverts find their breakthrough.
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